Welcome, baby Grace!

Okay, it's time to brag!  My little niece, Grace Marie, was born last Thursday afternoon.  She's a cutie!  I got to go down to Portland and visit little Grace and her proud parents in the hospital on Friday.  What a precious gift they've been given!  I can't wait to see her again.  Here are a few pictures from my visit.

God's Love

I don't really understand it.  I mean, I've known since I was a little girl that Jesus loves me... for the Bible tells me so.  But I have learned in recent years that knowing and believing that God loves me are totally two separate things.  God doesn't just love me because I'm a good and sweet little Christian.  No, God loves me unconditionally!  That means I never need to buy into the lie that I'm not good enough or worthy enough for His love.

I tend to be very hard on myself (this is truly the case at work) and yet it brings me to tears to know that that mind set I've chosen grieves my loving, heavenly Father.  It's as if I can hear him saying, "Why are you choosing to see yourself like that?  I don't!!  You are forgiven, redeemed, set free, and BELOVED!  What a good reminder!  My perpetual struggle to understand God's love frustrates me.  Why can't I just believe what I know to be true?  Praise the Lord for his grace that covers all of my sin but also all of my doubts and disbelief of his radical love for me.

I would, Lord, but I'm too scared."  This is what I would tell God every spring during Missions Conference week at Multnomah Bible College.  All students were required to attend the plenary sessions and an array of workshops.  I acted like conference was great when really there was this secret battle happening within me.  I felt bad that I wasn't open to missions, but when I pictured myself in some faraway place... it freaked me out.  I didn't ever say "no," because I was afraid that then, God would turn my no into a yes.  Kind of like that old song by Scott Wesley Brown, "Please Don't Send Me to Africa."  It's a funny song where he's telling the Lord how wrong he is for the job.  By the end of the song, he's yelling, "okay, okay!  I'll go!!"

Now, let's fast forward - two and a half years out of college... two and a half years since I've felt pressured to have that conversation with God.  This fall, I moved from the Portland area to Olympia to... I don't even know exactly why I moved.  I had previously been holding down 5 part-time jobs and needed a break to re-cooperate.  

It's been four months and I'm still praying and asking the Lord to show me what's in store for my future.  At this point, life looks a lot different than I thought it would.  I'm 25 and not very established.  I've tried lots of things, but haven't found my dream job.  I've met awesome people, but haven't found the love of my life.  The list goes on...  This fall, I've been asking the Lord to reveal to me what it is I'm made for.  I'm a passionate person - I figured I would eventually find that one thing that I say, "yep, this is what I have to do for the rest of my life!"  I have friends who feel this way about teaching.  My sister Suzanne feels this passionate about writing.  I want my passion!  I want to know what it is so that I can start doing it.  In the middle of October, I was extremely discouraged.  I was beginning to think that God didn't have something like that for me.  Instead, I was just supposed to find ways to share Jesus to others in the things I'm already doing - no radical occupation shift.  *sigh*  I was bummed.

On October 22nd, I went to an event that changed my life!  I was invited by my friend Beth to go see a children's choir from Africa perform at a local church.  From the minute those precious children danced down the aisles and onto the stage with sincere smiles and joyful hearts, I was on the edge of my seat.  I couldn't stop smiling.  Tears of joy were flooding down my cheeks.  I kept my hand on my heart in fear that it might just leap right out of my chest!  I can hardly describe the emotions I felt.  My heart felt SO full.  I knew immediately that THIS is what the Lord has made me for... for Africa!  Though I felt a peace that I had craved to experience for so long, I was also shocked.  Me?  Africa?  Really?

At the intermission I reached over and grabbed Beth's knee. Through water-logged eyes I stared at her and said, "I don't know what's going on, but I think I need to pray about going to Africa."  Beth, who has gone to Africa herself, was so thrilled.  I was just shocked that those words had just come out of my mouth.  The director of the Mwamba Children's Choir began to speak about how the choir was touring the USA to raise money.  Their ministry is looking to purchase land near Kampala, Uganda to eventually build a school.  Then, he looked right at me, pointed and said, "and you're going to be there some day, aren't you?"  I leaned back in my seat... looked behind me to see who he was actually talked to, and then he said it again, "No, you.  You're going to be there, aren't you?"  I was floored!  If nothing else, it was God's way of confirming the thoughts and emotions I was already dealing with that night.

I loved these kids so much, I went to another concert a few days later and had the opportunity to meet some of them.  I don't know details yet, but I do know that I was made to love, pray, and hopefully be with children in Africa someday.  Most of the time I wish I could just take off and go there tomorrow, but I know the timing for that isn't right now.  So, I'll settle with praying for the children I had the pleasure of meeting and for their ministry in Uganda.  For the land that they have now purchased and for the funds to be available for building a school soon.

I now know why I was supposed to move to Olympia.  Just when I was feeling so unsettled and without a purpose in life, I found these precious kids and an exciting adventure in my future!

I resolve to be a better blogger!

Okay, I'm not really into making New Year's resolutions.  I've tried and failed miserably too many times.  However, I do like to spend some time evaluating my past year and also dreaming for the next.  One thing I realized I'd like to improve this year is my blogging habits.  Since I've had a blog spot, I've been very inconsistent.  So, I resolve to post at least a couple times a month.

Because I've been lazy in posting about cool things that have gone on during the last few months, I'm going to back up a bit and touch on some highlights from this fall and holiday season.  I think I'll start with the snowy blast the Northwest experienced in mid December.

It was so fun to go sledding with family and friends, sip hot chocolate while watching the snow fall, and even enjoying the hot tub in 20-some degree weather!  Here are some pictures of the pretty winter wonderland.

Am I in America?

I had a shocking experience last night.  After church, a good friend and I decided to go get some cheap ice cream at a nearby McDonalds.  We purchased our delicious treats and found a spot in the small seating area.  This particular friend is also a coworker, so I began sharing about how the sermon had challenged me in regards to my witnessing opportunities at work.  I was telling her about how recently I've felt spiritually attacked with discouragement at work and that I've been praying against that so that I can be a good Christian witness.  I was in the middle of sharing this when a women - another customer who had taken a seat a few tables away - came over to us and said, "Excuse me.  Do you know that the whole restaurant can hear you?"  I was confused.  My first thought was that we were being to loud, but that definitely was not the case.  Our conversation was of a somewhat serious matter and we hadn't been boisterous or giggly at all.  Then her comment (and really what she was implying) began to register.  I was shocked.  I just said, "...oh...um...okay.  Am I offending you?"  She promptly replied, "As a matter of fact yes, you are."  I don't quite remember what I said exactly, but my friend said she was glad that I didn't apologize.  I think I just said something like, "okay," as she went back to her seat.

  I went back to finishing my story that was only half shared at this point.  I quieted my voice and tried to avoid words that I thought might offend this lady.  A few sentences in, I asked my friend if we should leave and I could finish sharing in the car.  She said, "I'm almost done.  Keep going."  That was just what I needed to help me realize that I had every right to talk about the Lord in that public place.  This is America after all!  I do believe I have the right to freedom of speech!!  I continued with my story with a new-found boldness.  I didn't shy away from using certain words and I resumed speaking in a normal volume.  We continued to share about spiritual things for the next 10 minutes or so and then left.  I couldn't bring myself to look at the lady when we left.  I will say I was a little scared of her.  Apparently, she's easily offended with religious things.

  On the way home, I was lead to pray for her.  The truth is that one day, her knee will bow and her tongue will confess that Jesus Christ is Lord as it says in Philippians 2:10.  I just pray that she'll make that discovery sooner than later.

Happy October 15th!

Today has been a great day!  Mostly because October 15th marks the day I start listening to Christmas music.  Don't judge too quickly.  I'm not one of those Christmas fanatics.  I don't begin decorating or anything like that until around Thanksgiving time.  I just love Christmas music and honestly, it puts me in a good mood to hear it.

Also, this day reminds me of October 15th last year when I lived with Kristi Foster.  We realized that we were both huge Christmas music fans and I quickly adopted Kristi's October 15th tradition.  It was 11:50 PM and we only had 10 minutes to figure out what song we were going to play first when the clock struck 12.  We couldn't find a recording of the Chipmunk Christmas song, so Kristi found it in a song book.  Yes, you guessed it.  At 12 we sang, "Christmas, Christmas time is here..." at the top of our lungs along with other Christmas carol favorites.  What a good memory.

A wedding in 4 days?

It still hasn't completely sunk in that my little sister is getting married on Saturday.  She's been engaged since April, but it seemed to sneak up on all of us so fast.  I'm spending my extra time this week putting some playlists together for the reception... their first dance, her dance with Dad... that's going to be so special.  I'm so excited for my sister and know that Ezra is the one for her, but it's weird to kind of let go of a chapter in our lives.  It will be different.  Good, but different.  I'm SO happy for you, Bekah.  You're going to be a beautiful bride (and your sisters will complement your beauty quite well, if you ask me.)  :)  Love you, Bek!