Confession

I have rediscovered the joy of Sudoku puzzles.  I don't know what made me think of it, but I remembered that I had an unfinished "Sudoku for Dummies" book on my shelf that I've had since my college days.  I made what now seems like the unfortunate decision to pull it out and work on a puzzle or two.  About a week later and oh... maybe 20 finished puzzles later, I'm finding that I can't go to bed without working on my Sudoku book.  It will be a blessing in disguise when I reach the end!  Don't worry, I'm not as lame as it may sound - I am reading other things.  I justify time in Sudoku as long as there is equal time spent in the Word each day. :)  I'm also reading an incredible book right now that my pastor recommended.  It's basically a little counseling session each time I pick it up to read.  I'll probably blog about that book later.  In the meantime... I think I'll finish this blog post and work on a Sudoku puzzle... or two. :)

"Twentysomething"

So, I was at a Christian bookstore outlet with some family members this past weekend.  I'm not really one to frequent my local Christian bookstore, but my sister-in-law had a gift card to use, so I scanned the bookshelves and glanced through the music section.  Then, I found this book called "Twentysomething" by Margaret Feinberg.  The subtitle read, "surviving and thriving in the real world."  I was interested because my sister Suzanne is thinking about writing a book about this topic.  I flipped the book over and read the brief synopsis on the back cover... my eyes widened in disbelief.  From the sound of it, this book talks about me and my life right now!  I bought it and haven't been able to put it down.  So far, I've officially recognized that I am experiencing what's called a quarterlife crisis.  It sounds intense, but... well, it kind of is.  I guess more and more twenty-something-year-olds are experiencing this quarterlife crisis - realizing that life isn't that American dream, in fact, it's really hard work - nonstop hard work without many quick rewards; a mental adjustment to say the least.  Here I was thinking I was uncharacteristically depressed all the time for no clear reason - thanks to this book, Margaret has taken all my jumbled thoughts and frustrations and put them on paper.  There have been a few places where I just want to laugh out loud because it's almost as if I'm reading one of my own journal entries!  Really, it's uncanny!  Anyway, all that to say that this book resonates with me and what my life is like right now.  I'm comforted to know I'm not alone in this season of life.

Thoroughly Modern Millie

Confession: I've been living vicariously through my little sister.  She landed the leading role in Grays Harbor's spring musical production - Thoroughly Modern Millie.  She's absolutely incredible!  I'm SO proud of her.  It's definitely the role of a lifetime and I'm just so happy for her.

It also makes me want to get back on stage myself.  I grew up doing musical theater, but then I got busy with college and then eventually got roped into working on the other side of the process.  Don't get me wrong - I've really enjoyed the privilege of directing and choreographing numerous musical productions.  The experience has been priceless; having the opportunity to work with so many skillful performers has been life changing.  But, it's like that prize that I never get... in fact, (as a director/choreographer) I just sit there watching all the performers get it.  I share in the excitement of opening night, or a full house, or a really responsive crowd... but from a different perspective.  I'm at a point where I really want to trade my director's chair in for spot on stage!

A girl can dream, right?  Until those dreams miraculously come true, I'll continue to be my sisters biggest fan in all of her successful theatrical endeavors.  Thoroughly Modern Millie closes this Sunday and tickets are going fast - buy your tickets now at ghc.edu/bishop

Welcome, baby Grace!

Okay, it's time to brag!  My little niece, Grace Marie, was born last Thursday afternoon.  She's a cutie!  I got to go down to Portland and visit little Grace and her proud parents in the hospital on Friday.  What a precious gift they've been given!  I can't wait to see her again.  Here are a few pictures from my visit.

God's Love

I don't really understand it.  I mean, I've known since I was a little girl that Jesus loves me... for the Bible tells me so.  But I have learned in recent years that knowing and believing that God loves me are totally two separate things.  God doesn't just love me because I'm a good and sweet little Christian.  No, God loves me unconditionally!  That means I never need to buy into the lie that I'm not good enough or worthy enough for His love.

I tend to be very hard on myself (this is truly the case at work) and yet it brings me to tears to know that that mind set I've chosen grieves my loving, heavenly Father.  It's as if I can hear him saying, "Why are you choosing to see yourself like that?  I don't!!  You are forgiven, redeemed, set free, and BELOVED!  What a good reminder!  My perpetual struggle to understand God's love frustrates me.  Why can't I just believe what I know to be true?  Praise the Lord for his grace that covers all of my sin but also all of my doubts and disbelief of his radical love for me.

I would, Lord, but I'm too scared."  This is what I would tell God every spring during Missions Conference week at Multnomah Bible College.  All students were required to attend the plenary sessions and an array of workshops.  I acted like conference was great when really there was this secret battle happening within me.  I felt bad that I wasn't open to missions, but when I pictured myself in some faraway place... it freaked me out.  I didn't ever say "no," because I was afraid that then, God would turn my no into a yes.  Kind of like that old song by Scott Wesley Brown, "Please Don't Send Me to Africa."  It's a funny song where he's telling the Lord how wrong he is for the job.  By the end of the song, he's yelling, "okay, okay!  I'll go!!"

Now, let's fast forward - two and a half years out of college... two and a half years since I've felt pressured to have that conversation with God.  This fall, I moved from the Portland area to Olympia to... I don't even know exactly why I moved.  I had previously been holding down 5 part-time jobs and needed a break to re-cooperate.  

It's been four months and I'm still praying and asking the Lord to show me what's in store for my future.  At this point, life looks a lot different than I thought it would.  I'm 25 and not very established.  I've tried lots of things, but haven't found my dream job.  I've met awesome people, but haven't found the love of my life.  The list goes on...  This fall, I've been asking the Lord to reveal to me what it is I'm made for.  I'm a passionate person - I figured I would eventually find that one thing that I say, "yep, this is what I have to do for the rest of my life!"  I have friends who feel this way about teaching.  My sister Suzanne feels this passionate about writing.  I want my passion!  I want to know what it is so that I can start doing it.  In the middle of October, I was extremely discouraged.  I was beginning to think that God didn't have something like that for me.  Instead, I was just supposed to find ways to share Jesus to others in the things I'm already doing - no radical occupation shift.  *sigh*  I was bummed.

On October 22nd, I went to an event that changed my life!  I was invited by my friend Beth to go see a children's choir from Africa perform at a local church.  From the minute those precious children danced down the aisles and onto the stage with sincere smiles and joyful hearts, I was on the edge of my seat.  I couldn't stop smiling.  Tears of joy were flooding down my cheeks.  I kept my hand on my heart in fear that it might just leap right out of my chest!  I can hardly describe the emotions I felt.  My heart felt SO full.  I knew immediately that THIS is what the Lord has made me for... for Africa!  Though I felt a peace that I had craved to experience for so long, I was also shocked.  Me?  Africa?  Really?

At the intermission I reached over and grabbed Beth's knee. Through water-logged eyes I stared at her and said, "I don't know what's going on, but I think I need to pray about going to Africa."  Beth, who has gone to Africa herself, was so thrilled.  I was just shocked that those words had just come out of my mouth.  The director of the Mwamba Children's Choir began to speak about how the choir was touring the USA to raise money.  Their ministry is looking to purchase land near Kampala, Uganda to eventually build a school.  Then, he looked right at me, pointed and said, "and you're going to be there some day, aren't you?"  I leaned back in my seat... looked behind me to see who he was actually talked to, and then he said it again, "No, you.  You're going to be there, aren't you?"  I was floored!  If nothing else, it was God's way of confirming the thoughts and emotions I was already dealing with that night.

I loved these kids so much, I went to another concert a few days later and had the opportunity to meet some of them.  I don't know details yet, but I do know that I was made to love, pray, and hopefully be with children in Africa someday.  Most of the time I wish I could just take off and go there tomorrow, but I know the timing for that isn't right now.  So, I'll settle with praying for the children I had the pleasure of meeting and for their ministry in Uganda.  For the land that they have now purchased and for the funds to be available for building a school soon.

I now know why I was supposed to move to Olympia.  Just when I was feeling so unsettled and without a purpose in life, I found these precious kids and an exciting adventure in my future!

I resolve to be a better blogger!

Okay, I'm not really into making New Year's resolutions.  I've tried and failed miserably too many times.  However, I do like to spend some time evaluating my past year and also dreaming for the next.  One thing I realized I'd like to improve this year is my blogging habits.  Since I've had a blog spot, I've been very inconsistent.  So, I resolve to post at least a couple times a month.

Because I've been lazy in posting about cool things that have gone on during the last few months, I'm going to back up a bit and touch on some highlights from this fall and holiday season.  I think I'll start with the snowy blast the Northwest experienced in mid December.

It was so fun to go sledding with family and friends, sip hot chocolate while watching the snow fall, and even enjoying the hot tub in 20-some degree weather!  Here are some pictures of the pretty winter wonderland.